Freedom from Fearbased Parenting...

If any of you are like me at all then you have had some pretty hard times as  parents. Well this week had to be one of the most challenging weeks in all of my 11 years as  a Mom. Whats most amazing to me though is that at the end of it all...God still gave me the victory and receives the glory! My perspective has changed regarding trusting God with exactly what He has said to me regarding WHO my son is even in the face of the display of that days' behaviors and attitudes...Im telling you it HAS to be GOD!!


 Darrius was such an amazing door to growth as a parent today ( thats my story and I'm sticking to it!!)! God has a way of showing up in the form of manifested prayer and tears just to show us how open His ears are to the cries of our hearts. Im learning that the enemy LOVES to challenge our faith by using the closets things to us...our children. But ironically the faith fight isn't even really about the children, its more about our ability to continue to believe the God that gave them to us.

My saved, kind compassionate child who loves serving in ministry, playing golf and cello and opening doors for his mama...got in a fight at school. That isn't the end of the world, it is out of character for him and waaaaay below the standard for our Christian home but its NOT the end of the world. He found himself living out my warning from the previous week regarding horse playing with his buddies that (as Id warned him) could easily go very wrong and someone could get serious at the drop of a dime. Thankfully neither of the children were hurt, they remain buddies and because of the reputation of my son and the heart of the principle, he wasn't suspended. He will have in house consequences for the next two weeks and they both repented, made up and apologized openly to their classmates and teacher  for the disruption to the class environment. It wasn't exactly an Ali-vs-Frazier type situation...more like two uncoordinated gummy bears trying to find their way out of a fish bowl...

So why then was I called  back to the school less than 30 minutes after leaving for yet another incident with horse playing right after this endearing display of repentance and "sincere" apology?? Why i ask...WHY?!!! To say that I was livid would be such a drastic understatement that Im not sure that my thesaurus has an appropriate word to clearly articulate the emotion that I was experiencing. I stopped outside of the school to gather myself before going in, because I hate prison food and because I really needed to pray! As I literally cried out to God regarding this challenging week of parenting that I'd been experiencing with Darrius, the rebellion, the half done chores, the laziness...and so on and so forth( thats the really embarrassing stuff that I dare NOT put on the internet)... God so graciously allowed me to get it all out before really reminding  me of Who I was talking to about my son.

Ya know how your family members can get on your last nerve and really make you sick...BUT other people BETTER NOT try to talk about them to you or around you? Well apparently God got really indignant about how I was venting to Him about this boy that He's saved, called, anointed and chose to glorify His name! He asked me"Se'Fana...what are you afraid of?". to which I, through hot tears, answered " That he won't listen, that he will continue to make these silly lapses in judgment at critical places, that he's going to mess up his future...and so on and so on..." To which He so lovingly answered me "Well then you will continue to parent him based on that fear and NOT in the faith of what I say about him"...God called Darrius while I carried him, and His hand has been so apparently on his life ever since so my fear was guiding me to react as opposed to acting in faith. Fear that believes the presentation of the enemy in the forms of unacceptable behavior, displays that seemingly solidify a horrendous future ahead of them...because a messy room just has to equate to a college drop out right?

Jeremiah 1:5 says that "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you[and approved of you as my chosen instrument] and before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own];...

And if I'm consistently and intentionally seeking God regarding His revelation to me as a parent of who Darrius is, then I have to be mindful to build myself UP in those truths about my son so that when he exhibits things contrary to that truth then I can not only help myself but I must be able to help HIM and redirect him back to the path of purpose for his life that God has layed out to the steward of his destiny...otherwise known as Mom. The enemy is after my faith in that truth...and if I don't believe it then I won't be able to help Darrius to believe it either.

That's Freedom!! Freedom that  boldly believes and can declare that our sons faith will find root and grown in my son's heart and that by faith he may gain what has been promised to him in the Word of God (Luke 17:5-; Hebrews 11:1). The presentation of the enemy is smoke and mirrors designed to get us to believe and then DECLARE with our own mouths (a sign of consenting and agreement)over our sons what we see instead of what we've been told...

Allow the truth of the Word of God ( whether its His written Word, prophesied Word or Rhema Word across a pulpit or even from your time of devotion in prayer and study surrounding your child/ren) to remind you of your assignment to parent your child/ren.  Above all don't forget the Grace and Anointing that accompanies that assignment. The seat of your service and sacrifice to your child/ren is padded with God's provision of His Love, protection, patience, revelation and Ability!!!

The manifestation of my tears and prayers today came in the form of my broken, convicted 11 yr old going down to the altar today in repentance to rededicate his life to Christ, on his own..."just to make sure he got back right with God because of how far off track he'd gotten and allowed the devil to win all week"...he came home and willingly and without complaining raked the leaves, did his laundry, cleaned the kitchen and said that he was feeling lighter after having repented again ( he'd repented to me and God after school the day of the incident) and rededicating his life. I don't believe in works that "get you right", but I do believe that when you have had a heart change that because you "got right" you will do works as unto the Lord! He won't be a child that won't make mistakes but...he gets it...and for that I praise God!!

Don't give up Mom...God's Word won't come back to him void!...What did He say to you about your child/ren? Believe that and be FREE!!!

Exhaustion!!

The point in my life that clearly indicates my disconnection to all things restful…

When you have 'worked' your entire life with no real view of rest, the concept tends to get lost between shifts of punching in and punching out of… cycles of more and more work…you trust work…you trust the press. It's the one constant that you seemingly have a fraction of control over…especially when self employed.

I employ myself, yep I tell me when to work and when to stop…or so I thought. The demand of my service actually has a lot more control than you could have ever convinced me of in the beginning of my career. Unfortunately the perceived freedom associated with it is just that… a perception. Self Employment is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's more work than I bargained for…I bought into the perception that it wouldn’t be as demanding…I'm exhausted. The initial rest of discovering the passion that drives one to seek a career that doesn’t 'feel' like work is just the beginning…it's exhausting.

Putting in the work to get to the place where your work doesn’t seem as such…exhausting.

Having to do it all praying, pressing, pushing, prepping, pulling….exhausting.

It's exactly here that I am renewed in my revelation of the actual place that I'm SUPPOSED to operate from…the rest of God. It’s a graced place and the real challenge is the transference of my personal trust from the seemingly controlled place of work to the submitted place of Faith in God's sovereign ability and desire to lead, provide, empower and Grace us for the place of purpose that we desire to operate in. It really doesn’t matter whether or not it is a place of ministry service, employment, academic pursuit or even parenting. 

What matters most is that we allow for the revelation of Gods rest to really resonate to the point that we submit to it….not the kind of "realization" that tends to happen when we read an interesting or enlightening article that we are inspired by for the moment… And then slowly slump back into fleshly focus and operations.

Nope…really rest. Because the alternative is not only the thought of doing things in our own strength but the reality of, that in doing so we block out the God that has all of the strength, strategies and stamina IN HIM to finish what He's called us to…

Join me in resting in the Sovereignty of God today! Wooosaahhh!....

A Mother's "Yes"....

Walking alongside his destiny path.

I often wonder if other parents experience the things that I find myself dealing with in raising my 11 year old son Darrius. I'm sure we've all had moments where we've questioned whether or not anyone else truly can relate to our encounters as parents, from the doubts, discouragements, fits over homework, half washed dishes and socks under the bed, to the victories at football games, mastered speech competitions, and gentleman like ways where they open your car door or walk on the outside of the sidewalk…I find myself pondering this a lot more than I'd care to admit at any given time. Trying to find the connections between the experiences of my friends and the seemingly disconnected moments of my own, one can understand my temporary preference for a roller coaster at those times…at least they're predictable. The dips and turns are the same each time you strap yourself in…but I digress.

On a seemingly normal night (what does that even mean anymore?) while watching 'The Bible Series' on the love seat in our living room, my son engrossed, head in my lap…it happened.

I saw a mother that I could totally identify with, she was raising a son…he was accepted and being raised by an awesome selfless stepdad….my consistent prayer and petition. She was so passionate  while she watched her son walk out what he'd told her was his destiny. She undoubtedly taught him as a boy the promises that were ministered to her regarding him…promises that were met with a YES to carry him from birth to his destiny path. She didn’t even look like the shame that HAD to surround her pregnancy, she walked out her YES daily. When you have a clear vision/revelation of who your son is, it empowers you to receive instructions and impressions from God regarding the process.

Amazingly as I watched this mom watch her son, from the side of the road on that same destiny path, carrying the very instrument that would later serve as the tool to free millions…she couldn’t stop the pain that she witnessed…she'd walked beside him so long, the first woman to do so.

The revelation and relation between her previous acceptance would be tested again and again…and she had to choose her YES daily…meaning the difference between helping or hindering his outcome. Fresh tears rolled down my face onto my sons head ( thankful more than anything for just the reminder) and her tears seemed to hold so much more in earnest to wash his wounds. I understood….she did too, yet she said YES.  The same way that so many mothers watch their sons walk through pain…

I understand that even though there is  divine destiny, there is  natural necessity…a YES that God uses as access into the earth realm. Her son had a HUGE assignment, and so did she…to get him there. She would NEVER be the same  as a woman again. As I watched Mary go the distance I was reminded that I was placed on this earth to choose a YES daily to get my prince to his purpose, to replay that Purpose inwardly so as not to lose focus. Its  a death to MY flesh to submit to the plan of God for my son that isn't always pleasant or plain…but Powerful nevertheless. I cant complain about what I don’t cultivate…

It’s a spiritual journey with very tangible results/manifestations. My intercession is vital, necessary in order for him to receive his own encounter with the Father. He is clear about the call of God on his life…even at 11 so…

Thank you Mary, because of you I am able to say...Yes!

Thank you Jesus, because of you and YOUR Yes...I am!

 I will nurture and navigate…through childhood to Purpose.