What is a Helpmate?... Part 2

So, hopefully since the last time that we've talked, you've been working through some of the necessary steps to do personal assessment, evaluating your personal strengths and weaknesses and positioning yourself to intentionally receive fresh revelation from God such that you grow in new strengths and abilities while pruning unfruitful areas of your life. As promised I wanted to share some key points for you to ponder relative to preparation in becoming a Helpmate to a spouse.
*Side note: For the sake of equality and  clarity in the context of this blogpost, a Helpmate is not necessarily gender specific ( Because 'help' is not gender specific...and because its MY blog...LOL))

Now that we've gotten that taken care of...aside from workplace and ministry relationship and associations that have different boundaries and functions in our lives, I wanted to focus a bit more on marital relationships and the 'help' associated with that.
Help is universal in that, we all need and desire the resources that cause our lives to flow a bit better and the kind of cooperation that aid and assist us in becoming better. As defined in Part one to this blogpost, to help is to do something that makes it easier for someone to do a job. As a spouse, a destiny partner, I would do well to be able to 'help' in three strategic areas of my companions life...lets talk about those areas.
Vision: Whatever area of ministry or marketplace that your destiny partner has been called to serve in should encourage you to grow in  your ability to help them there. That doesn't mean that you necessarily have to be in the same field of business or ministry but we should strive to have the ability to help in causing that vision to come to pass, to grow, to develop  and manifest into all that its supposed to be. As a wife I should desire the ability to help make the journey easier, cooperate with the process that ultimately means success for my entire family as my husband becomes more astute in his calling. As a husband, the love for her peace as well as her mental, spiritual and even physical well being should be a priority as it lines up with the family mission and vision and ensures a level of peace and stability in the home life as  a whole.
Victory: Spiritual  deliverance and growth requires the help of your destiny partner. The full responsibility of your journey belongs to you, however, the cooperation  of your spouse can make or break your ability to grow at a consistent rate. Spouses can and should intercede and do warfare on behalf of the other which advances their personal efforts. The power of agreement is a mighty tool against the enemy.
"How could one have chased a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight..." Deut. 32:30a AMP
Vanity: Physical presence does wonders in the fight against discouragement, accountability in health and wellness challenges, physical intimacy and even the encouragement to keep your appearance in tact in an effort to foster fresh feelings for your companion. (Start paying attention to this area as a single...trust me) Image is important to certain levels of success and don't you listen to anyone who tell you differently. We don't need to be consumed with the outward man, but the consistent maintenance of our physicality shows a great respect for our bodies as the temple of the Holy Spirit. Regard for how we present ourselves to the world, and represent our families says a LOT about how we honor the Spirit of God on the inside of us.
 "Do you not see and know that your bodies are members (bodily parts) of Christ (the Messiah)" (1 Corinthians 6: 15 AMP)
Consider these fews points as you pursue purpose and maximize your season of singleness....
Se'Fana

What is a Helpmate?....

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   HELP:
To do something that makes it easier for someone to do a job or deal with a problem.
To aid or assist someone, to make something less severe.
To make something more pleasant or easier to deal with.
To give assistance or support
To make bearable, to further the advancement of
To give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need.
To contribute strength or means to render assistance to
To cooperate effectively with

Whoa!!! Thats a pretty tall order isn't it?!...Sheesh!

Is it possible to be this and DO this for others? The short answer is YES! According to the Word of God (Genesis 2:18 AMP) Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.

Every situation that God places us in, we have to believe that we were created for it, that there is specific grace and empowerment to achieve what He set us in that situation to accomplish. So it is for the relationships in our lives, even the non romantic ones, that He would not place us where He hasn't provided for us. While we are single, however, there could seemingly be a lack of opportunity to actually 'practice' being helpmate to someone, but that couldn't be further from the truth! Singleness is the PERFECT time to allow the real helpmate in YOU to be birthed, cultivated and then presented to the world around you.

In our family, schools, places of employment, houses of worship and even in the community around us we have daily doors to walk through that allow us to be salt and light...but first how do you help yourself?! Thats right, what skills and talents have you enlisted in your own life that have caused you to become better, accomplish tasks easier or complete instructions and assignments more efficiently?
Sometimes we make the mistake of wanting to offer ourselves to others before knowing what it is that we actually offer to them. Take an assessment of your life and write down the things that you have grown in over the last year, proceed to write down the things that you can benefit from growth and development in over the current year. How will you 'help' yourself to accomplish these items? What will you do, give or provide that contributes strength to your endeavors? If you cannot help yourself, don't even consider yet what you can do for others...lets grow our own lives first. Why is this important? Well, when you are presented with a critical opportunity to help someone or something you will have the ability to pray and think according to what you are sure you have the capacity to help WITH.



As a licensed cosmetologist, I'm equipped to help with all phases of beauty culture, but I'm not as equipped to wire my salon...same building, same industry, different strengths and abilities to move the overall business forward. Familiarize yourself with your strengths and abilities and then position yourself in the presence of God such that He can give you clear revelation of what He desires to equip your life with BEFORE you connect in a romantic relationship with someone else. Allow the daily destiny intersections of your marketplace (and even ministry) engagement to sharpen you, to prune you and to prepare you for your next level of ability and anointing as a HELP to the WORLD that needs Jesus Christ.  You may need to take classes that teach you how to communicate, cook, perform at a greater level in business, parent, manage money or even how to take better care of your physical well being...all of these translate into abilities that will enable you to 'help' in your circles of influence.

Stay tuned for some important keys and specifics areas that can benefit from your ability to HELP...

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Living on Empty...

We tend to always be in a state of pouring. Pouring a cup of coffee, pouring a glass of orange juice, pouring on the charm to our significant other, pouring on affirmation to our children before their big Social Studies exam on Monday morning to give them one last jolt of confidence. Or pouring a bit too much syrup on the waffle that probably should be a bowl of steel cut oats with flaxseed and a side of berries for added vitamin content ( let's face it…the waffle and syrup just taste better)! Sometimes we are pouring our  hearts out to a friend when all of the weight of OUR pouring has taken it's toll…

Yep! We've ALL been there to one degree or the other. Trying to push and pull from the place of the poured out! Too many 'TO DO' lists undone because we haven't sought to be poured into by a God who is FULL and overflowing with the Grace, Love, empowerment, strategy and…dare I say it?...REST that we so desperately need in balance and contrast to the days that we create via our own ambition. On one of those days where I'd forgotten just how empty my own fleshly efforts can be, the quiet whisper of the HolySpirit reminded me that in Mathew 5:6 "Blessed[joyful, nourished by God's goodness]are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness [those who actively seek right standing with God], for they will be[completely] satisfied. 

YEP!! The Father is the very one who loves us and stands ready to fill us as often as we come to Him empty. Typically at the beginning of a new year, there is much bustle about doing more and being more. I'm learning to simply allow Him to "Be" in me. His grace is empowerment that bridges the gaps that threaten to swallow us up whole. 

So today, right from where you are….be empty. Pour out your heart, thoughts, fears, failures, anxieties, inadequacies and desires on HIM.  Welcome the fresh strength, air, peace, love and REST that resides in God for YOU. 

He can never empty of His ability to restore, refill and refuel you. 

~Se'Fana~ 

The Holiday Struggle...#EmotionalTraps

One of the greatest traps of the enemy during the holiday season is emotional sabotage! I almost fell in the trap last year, after YEARS of victory and teaching others awareness about the tricks and traps.

Moral?...NObody is beyond being tempted, tricked or trapped if our guards are down or our focus is elsewhere (not that I believed that I was at the time, but you can become complacent when you are somewhat far removed from a particular struggle). You know how it is...the many feelings of being unmarried while the holiday season rolls in, the family gatherings and the endless posts across social media tend to foster the feelings of comparison and questions in our heads surrounding our current season. I will be honest, typically because Ive been single for quite some time now I tend to focus on my son, 4th quarter business goals and preparations in business for the upcoming year, ministry mindsets  and the things that I'm grateful for  as a focal point. Last year, however, had been the worst holiday season that I've ever had....let me tell you why.

 Trap #1: Transfer of Emotions

The way that this works is, when we are dealing with one set of issues in our lives, if we are not vigilant to be aware overall we can miss a trigger in another area. Because remember, the enemy doesn't really care what area we struggle in...he just wants us to be consumed with struggling.  Because my son (who is a transitioning pre-teen) had been dealing with some consequences of poor decisions in school my focus had been on implementing those consequences and juggling the disappointment as a parent and the undesired shift that this whole thing had caused our family during the holiday season that I hadn't even really thought about much else...let alone relationships.  Emotional transference is the door that the enemy uses to sabotage us. If he can get us to focus solely on a given  area without looking to and applying the Word in that area then its an open door to other areas that are now vulnerable. For instance, in thinking about and being consumed with the thoughts surrounding my son, the diligence that I typically put into place (increased fasting, prayer and intimate time in God's presence, reading Spirit led books), my personal emotions  were left unattended and unguarded...in comes the thoughts of companionship, engagement announcements, discontentment...you naammee IT!! ( I had to, don't judge me...LOL). I'm usually on point with all of this...trust me...its been the difference between having a victory vs victim mentality over the years. Ha!...I'd been duped!

See, by taking matters into my own hands and not trusting God with the harvest of the seed planted in the heart of my child, I absentmindedly played my little god complex and wasn't even aware of the damage being done on ground that I had gained so much on in the past. HE is the Lord of the harvest...I simply needed to trust Him. You have to "watch your weakness" while allowing God to become your strength.    

Trap #2: Comparison

Simply put there are doors of opportunity for comparison waiting for any one of us that are willing to focus on others instead of keeping our eyes fixed on the plan of God for our OWN lives.  This is an age of social media highlight reels that, if allowed, entice us into a realm of feeling, looking and acting according to what we see as opposed  to BEING in the space that God has provided for us.   It's seriously all a matter of focus and revelation, which is a thief of your contentment. Be determined to stay focused on the things of God for YOU...guard your heart during this holiday season (and every season afterwards). And don't let your auntie hem you up in the corner of the kitchen asking you about when you're going to get married and have babies....she'll be ok...let her and everybody else wonder!! God is faithful and His timing is impeccable.

Proverbs 4:23-27 (NIV)

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your game directly before you. Give careful though to the paths fro your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.      


Determine THIS year that if you are struggling with feelings of discontent that you want the victory over before NEXT year that you will:

1. Be Honest with yourself and God, take the struggle to Him...NOT your girlfriends (No shade towards Regina and 'nem). Why? Because He is the one who can actually do something about it besides listen. Ask me how I know...


2. Be Obedient to what He tells you to do BEFORE the holiday season rolls around. This was one of my secret weapons that led to my victory walk! It took some time to notice the pattern that God would have me to walk out each Spring/Fall leading into the holiday season. Because it was a particular area of struggle for me initially (I really like family time, game nights, fellowshipping, etc.), He would usher me into systematic times of fasting, prolonged times of prayer and seeking His face on a very deep and intimate level. It created greater patterns of times in HIS presence over times in the presence of PEOPLE (that I typically craved) and it gave me victory over my emotions that tried to rise up EVERY season like clockwork. He was equipping me and strengthening me as long as I was obedient when He pulled on  my heart to come away with Him.

3. Be Worded...yep you read that correctly! The Word of God is the greatest weapon against the attack of the enemy on your MIND. Jesus was tested for 40 days by the enemy and when he was faced with each attack He used the WORD to fight! Read Matthew 4:1-17 so that you can become familiar with HOW to fight!! Get your spirit man girded with as much Word as it can take, meditate it, internalize it, study it and memorize it...let it be the very nourishment to who you are.  

I pray that by sharing a portion of my experience that you were encouraged in yours!

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Dear future husband,

Thank you for taking your timing in finding us (my son and I). I was initially extremely angry, anxious and confused about this....until I learned to appreciate the strategy of God behind it. 

I'm learning to trust God in a way that I wouldn't have if you'd shown up just a few years earlier to rescue me from what I now know would have instead robbed me  of an intimacy that will only prove to benefit us as a family. 

I'm learning continuously to submit (and then resubmit) to God in a way that depends on that trust as foundational...it causes me to rely on being led in a way that I'd only trusted myself to do...regardless to what I was portraying. I believe you're going to appreciate the ability to lead a woman that desires to and has learned to BE led. 

I'm learning how to multiply what's given to me as the incubator of life, ideas and vision....I'm excited to function in this way with all that God has placed in YOU to release to me. You can trust me with these...He's teaching me how to help you. 

I'm learning how to allow the Spirit of God to sharpen my discernment such that I'm not believing the presentation of the enemy over the promises of God .

I'm learning how to co-parent with God so that I'm not selfish with the son that has so much purpose attached to him...I'm better understanding your role in his life as a result. 

Take your time man of God...I'm not in a rush. I'm preparing for the season that you will find us...take your time. It took me a long time to get to THIS place...and to actually mean these words. To honestly be able to say these words with sincerity and NOT as a subconscious effort to manipulate God in some way to "speed up things" the way that I want them to...  

Thank you for the space and time to grow, to further heal, learn to love more fully, learn some recipes and position my heart to receive yours...

Love,

Her

P. S

I hope you're willing to roll down some grassy hills, get your butt kicked in Madden (Darrius has called you out before even meeting you!), do some go cart racing and trying some Vegan dishes (no worries I will cook meat for you if you hate it...Lol!) #HeyBoo #YepImHer

#RandomThankfulSentimentsOfMyHeart 

#PurposePartners

#NoStickInTheMudsAllowed

#LetsDoDestinyTogether

#HopeYouveBeenWorkingOut😏

#StrongFaithAndBackLawd

Trusting God

In the face of all that faces us, it can be so difficult to stay in the presence of God. This is the place that I'm comforted by the reminder of who He really and truly is.  

With tears behind my eyelids and pressure in my chest, wobbling in my knees...I trust God.
I have the choice to worry, complain and even fret...I choose instead to trust God.

Trust:

Belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective. One in which confidence is placed.

Dependence on something future or contingent.

My ability to trust in a difficult season is based SOLELY on the character of God...NOT my current situation. That's the key for me!... looking at and meditating on the things that we see instead of focusing on the one that we CANT see... I know...I know...That's where the struggle lies!

Instead of digging into the presence of the One that has the ability to relieve of us of the stresses of balancing bills, children,companions, business, declines, projects and the all dreaded laundry...we sometimes allow ourselves to become distracted by social media and the tons of other things that we let rob us of the progress, peace and purposes of God. Ive heard people like Lara Casey say "say no to the mindless scroll". The scroll of no direction..that typically leads to comparison and in some instances...compromise.

Social Media is NOT a bad thing...we can utilize this global tool as a means to propel purpose, to reach the lost, inspire change and to connect with people with no boundaries. Is it possible though, that we use it as a means to escape the very place that WE claim brings us the most peace and fulfillment? What stops us from taking that scroll time and instead intentionally getting into God's face?
Is it possible that we actually subconsciously trust those images that we scroll before us and all that we have come to believe that they represent to us?

If asked, most of us would scoff at the idea that we trust a  social media image, account or content more than we trust God...but if we consider that where we spend our time is  what actually develops the lives that we live...we might have to take a more honest, sincere look at that. Where we spend our time, what we choose to think about, meditate on...directly effects what we produce in our lives. So it may be safe to say that because we spend less time purposefully seeking who God is and learning more of what His character is causes us to struggle with trusting Him, His plan and His purpose for our lives. How can I trust someone that I spend a minimal amount of time with...I don't trust who I don't know ( just as a basic life rule right?) Yeah...I know that I'm being kinda redundant but this has really impacted me over the past couple of months, so I wanted to share my revelation with you.When I am sensing a lack of direction, feelings of overwhelm and just downright BLAH...I have a heart check and reassess how much time I've been spending in the presence of God or reminding myself of the parts of God's character that I'm already familiar with...typically at that point I've been really slacking or justifying being "productively busy".

Being a fruit inspector starts with inspecting the fruit of our own lives. What are we producing and why are we producing it? Production in our lives is as a direct result of what we plant, what we use to water it and how often we choose to saturate that seed. Here's a few tips:

1. Commit to a set time frame to intentionally get into the presence of God, whether its prayer, devotion and journaling time, worship music and quiet...however the Lord leads you...JUST COMMIT!

2. Seek accountability that edifies your walk and pulls for you to grow consistently in developing your ear to be led by the Holy Spirit.( Our circle of influence is a major part of our growth and development)

3. Take some time to fast from ALL social media to reset your mind and heart on God, this helps with cleaning the filter of your heart and mind and for allowing yourself to clear out all of the clutter and content that sometimes keeps our wheels spinning.

4. Purposefully read the Word of God and other reliable resources that can relay the character of God to you...Knowing who He is ensures our further ability to trust what we've come to know about Him.
( The Names of God by Kay Arthur is an amazing read)

If this has blessed you today please take a minute to leave a comment  as well as subscribe!!

Freedom from Fearbased Parenting...

If any of you are like me at all then you have had some pretty hard times as  parents. Well this week had to be one of the most challenging weeks in all of my 11 years as  a Mom. Whats most amazing to me though is that at the end of it all...God still gave me the victory and receives the glory! My perspective has changed regarding trusting God with exactly what He has said to me regarding WHO my son is even in the face of the display of that days' behaviors and attitudes...Im telling you it HAS to be GOD!!


 Darrius was such an amazing door to growth as a parent today ( thats my story and I'm sticking to it!!)! God has a way of showing up in the form of manifested prayer and tears just to show us how open His ears are to the cries of our hearts. Im learning that the enemy LOVES to challenge our faith by using the closets things to us...our children. But ironically the faith fight isn't even really about the children, its more about our ability to continue to believe the God that gave them to us.

My saved, kind compassionate child who loves serving in ministry, playing golf and cello and opening doors for his mama...got in a fight at school. That isn't the end of the world, it is out of character for him and waaaaay below the standard for our Christian home but its NOT the end of the world. He found himself living out my warning from the previous week regarding horse playing with his buddies that (as Id warned him) could easily go very wrong and someone could get serious at the drop of a dime. Thankfully neither of the children were hurt, they remain buddies and because of the reputation of my son and the heart of the principle, he wasn't suspended. He will have in house consequences for the next two weeks and they both repented, made up and apologized openly to their classmates and teacher  for the disruption to the class environment. It wasn't exactly an Ali-vs-Frazier type situation...more like two uncoordinated gummy bears trying to find their way out of a fish bowl...

So why then was I called  back to the school less than 30 minutes after leaving for yet another incident with horse playing right after this endearing display of repentance and "sincere" apology?? Why i ask...WHY?!!! To say that I was livid would be such a drastic understatement that Im not sure that my thesaurus has an appropriate word to clearly articulate the emotion that I was experiencing. I stopped outside of the school to gather myself before going in, because I hate prison food and because I really needed to pray! As I literally cried out to God regarding this challenging week of parenting that I'd been experiencing with Darrius, the rebellion, the half done chores, the laziness...and so on and so forth( thats the really embarrassing stuff that I dare NOT put on the internet)... God so graciously allowed me to get it all out before really reminding  me of Who I was talking to about my son.

Ya know how your family members can get on your last nerve and really make you sick...BUT other people BETTER NOT try to talk about them to you or around you? Well apparently God got really indignant about how I was venting to Him about this boy that He's saved, called, anointed and chose to glorify His name! He asked me"Se'Fana...what are you afraid of?". to which I, through hot tears, answered " That he won't listen, that he will continue to make these silly lapses in judgment at critical places, that he's going to mess up his future...and so on and so on..." To which He so lovingly answered me "Well then you will continue to parent him based on that fear and NOT in the faith of what I say about him"...God called Darrius while I carried him, and His hand has been so apparently on his life ever since so my fear was guiding me to react as opposed to acting in faith. Fear that believes the presentation of the enemy in the forms of unacceptable behavior, displays that seemingly solidify a horrendous future ahead of them...because a messy room just has to equate to a college drop out right?

Jeremiah 1:5 says that "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you[and approved of you as my chosen instrument] and before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own];...

And if I'm consistently and intentionally seeking God regarding His revelation to me as a parent of who Darrius is, then I have to be mindful to build myself UP in those truths about my son so that when he exhibits things contrary to that truth then I can not only help myself but I must be able to help HIM and redirect him back to the path of purpose for his life that God has layed out to the steward of his destiny...otherwise known as Mom. The enemy is after my faith in that truth...and if I don't believe it then I won't be able to help Darrius to believe it either.

That's Freedom!! Freedom that  boldly believes and can declare that our sons faith will find root and grown in my son's heart and that by faith he may gain what has been promised to him in the Word of God (Luke 17:5-; Hebrews 11:1). The presentation of the enemy is smoke and mirrors designed to get us to believe and then DECLARE with our own mouths (a sign of consenting and agreement)over our sons what we see instead of what we've been told...

Allow the truth of the Word of God ( whether its His written Word, prophesied Word or Rhema Word across a pulpit or even from your time of devotion in prayer and study surrounding your child/ren) to remind you of your assignment to parent your child/ren.  Above all don't forget the Grace and Anointing that accompanies that assignment. The seat of your service and sacrifice to your child/ren is padded with God's provision of His Love, protection, patience, revelation and Ability!!!

The manifestation of my tears and prayers today came in the form of my broken, convicted 11 yr old going down to the altar today in repentance to rededicate his life to Christ, on his own..."just to make sure he got back right with God because of how far off track he'd gotten and allowed the devil to win all week"...he came home and willingly and without complaining raked the leaves, did his laundry, cleaned the kitchen and said that he was feeling lighter after having repented again ( he'd repented to me and God after school the day of the incident) and rededicating his life. I don't believe in works that "get you right", but I do believe that when you have had a heart change that because you "got right" you will do works as unto the Lord! He won't be a child that won't make mistakes but...he gets it...and for that I praise God!!

Don't give up Mom...God's Word won't come back to him void!...What did He say to you about your child/ren? Believe that and be FREE!!!